Don't make out with my wife yet
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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