my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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