He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need mimosas to revive my soul
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
