I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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