I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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