I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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