...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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