apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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