Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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