if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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