I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
