it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
