I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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