im having a threesome with these popsicles
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
