I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize