He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
