OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
