I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
