This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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