The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
