I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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