Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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