I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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