My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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