Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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