Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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