very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize