so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
