ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
