I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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