I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
