covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
