finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
