remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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