My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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