You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
