I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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