Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We have started to decorate penises.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
