I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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