I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
