I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
