She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
