What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
