:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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