i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
