Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
