I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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