I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
