so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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