Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
