I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
