I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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