I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
