why didn't you poke me back
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
