I think my vagina is haunted
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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