id be glad to
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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