"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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