he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How external is "for external use only"?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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