is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
