i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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