We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
