I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
