so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
