Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
