I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
