my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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