So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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