Kiss
Puke
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
