jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
