There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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