Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
