I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
